I’m what you would call a girl’s girl. I genuinely care about my girlfriends and I value my friendships.
When I open my heart to a friend, I do so because I feel a kindness and commonality with them. I see them as someone who enhances my life and whose company I enjoy. If I don’t like or respect someone, I will simply not spend the little free time I have with them. I see my friendships as lifelong relationships. Because of that I keep my word and not treat my friends as a stop on the way to getting a boyfriend.
It’s now clear to me that I’m an anomaly in the friendship department. One by one, my girlfriends have disappeared into thin air the minute they find someone with a penis to spend all their free time with. I understand that when people get married and have children their priorities change and friendships take a backseat to childrearing, but I cannot comprehend abandoning your friendships the minute a man comes along. These are the same women who call nonstop the minute they’re single only to have someone to go out looking for a replacement boyfriend with.
Isn’t it nice to spend time with someone you’re not having sex with? Don’t you want to stay in touch with the friend who invited you to all her family holiday events and made sure you never felt lonely when you complained about feeling alone? Unfortunately most women I’ve encountered put their friendships aside for fear that their boyfriends may lose interest in them.
When I was a teenager I would gripe about this phenomenon to my mother. She said these girls were boyfriend worshippers, an expression that makes perfect sense to me now. These were girls looking for some kind of deity to walk into their life and absolve them from having to experience things like independence and meaningful friendships.
I can count the women I consider my friends on one hand with the remainder of my friends being men. There are times when I miss that feeling of having a girlfriend to share laughs with but then I’m reminded of how hurt I feel when one of these friends stops wanting to spend time with me.
My best friend is a woman who has taught me how to be a good friend and a whole person outside of a romantic relationship. She happens to be one of the few women I’ve met who manages to find this insane balance. In the meantime, I’m slowly losing my faith in 99.999% of the female population.