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So you’ve been dating for a while now, but you have yet to figure out if you’re officially a couple.

The dating world is complicated as it is in this generation. I still find it rather confusing what exactly being “exclusive” means. I know it means you can’t see other people when you’re dating, but does it also mean you’re officially a couple? Or do you have to wait to be asked “Do you want to be my boyfriend/girlfriend?” in order to make it official?

One of the main reasons why you are never sure how to define relationship is because neither one of you will dare to ask each what you guys are in the relationship. This stage is common, and this is the stage I like to call: Fear.

You fear rejection. You fear that person won’t feel the same way you do. You fear that person won’t want the same relationship you do. You fear that if this person rejects you, you’ll have to find someone else realizing your feelings belong to another person.

Because of these fears, you hold back from communicating. You hold back from what you really want, which is common. This is the stage I call: Courage. You can’t seem to find the courage to ask because your tongue is tied. You keep practicing the words over and over in your head, but won’t say them out loud because you’re embarrassed. You can’t find the courage to communicate because you might come off as too pushy. You don’t have the courage because you’re asking yourself if it’s too soon to be talking about making it official.

So when is the right time?

The right time is when you’re already thinking about asking him/her whether you’re “exclusive” or “officially” a couple.

For example, you can find yourself going out with a person several times or for several months, but you have not once thought about defining the relationship, which means it’s not the right time to ask. However, you could be in a dating relationship where you’ve been thinking about asking him/her where your relationship is going. Once that thought already comes into your head, don’t be afraid to grow the courage to ask because it is now the right time to be discussing where your relationship is heading.

It’s quite simple from a woman’s perspective as to why she never asked a guy to be exclusive; it is because, more than likely, she is seeing other people. If you get the courage to ask a girl to be your girlfriend and she says, “no, I’m not ready. Let’s give it a little more time” or the typical, “I rushed into my last relationship and I don’t want to make the same mistake with you.” The chances of these statement being true is 50%, the other 50% could mean that she’s just not that into you and she is seeing other people.

The same goes for men. Ladies, if he hasn’t asked you to be exclusive or be his girlfriend, it’s because he’s seeing other women.

The dating society has made it a norm for the man to be the first one to ask the exclusive or girlfriend question, but in this day in age women should realize that they have a lot of power over men and dictating how a relationship should be.

Ladies, don’t be afraid to ask where your relationship is going. If you want to be exclusive and he doesn’t, then that should tell you it’s not the right time for either of you. Don’t be afraid to move one.

The same advice goes to men. If she denies you, then she doesn’t want to commit to you. The best thing you could do is find a nice way to get out of that dating relationship and suggest to them that they’re just not what you’re looking for. It’s that simple.

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