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I’ve started to notice a depressing trend among my female friends in their 30s. They’ve coupled off with men they don’t really like or who treat them horribly because they don’t want to be alone.

These are the women who call their friends and family to complain about their boyfriends or husbands but don’t want to find a solution to their problem.

These are attractive, mentally sound women with careers and a community of loving friends and family. They could do much better. And yet they’ve settled for men who are nowhere near the types of men they want to be with.

These women have cast aside their needs and desires because of an overwhelming fear of being alone. They don’t want to wonder what to do with their time if they have a free Saturday night because their relationship, unfulfilling as it is, comes with a built-in social life. They don’t have to worry about being alone on holidays because they have someone there to attend parties with.

They don’t have to exist in the big scary world of singledom where they would be forced to venture out of their comfort zone and meet new people. They would have to value their platonic friendships and find non-couple activities to do. They would have to shift the focus of their complaints from their boyfriend or husband’s shortcomings to the lack of quality single men available.

They would have to learn how to replace light bulbs or get their cars repaired. Instead they continue to irritate their friends with their nonstop complaints and miss out on living a life of adventure and growth because of this fear.

As a single person, I have moments where I would love to have a partner to share some of my fun moments with or to lean on when I need support. But I know that independence has taught me to be a whole person and to recognize when I’m involved with someone who diminishes my quality of life. I believe that holding out for something that feels right is far more valuable than spending time with someone who’s company you don’t enjoy.

In the immortal words of Eddie Vedder, “She lies and says she’s in love with him. Can’t find a better man.”

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